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Yet even when shown a subject, I'm likely to blow it. This is how bad I have become: Monty waved me over to show me a critter he spotted. He pointed to something small sitting in the coral and then he left. I cocked my head, squinted stupidly, and struggled to make out the vague form of some kind of weird crab of some sort. It was hard to tell. Beyond weird, I quickly realized I had never seen anything like it. It must be new to science! I focused my lens, made some exposure adjustments, and began searching the viewfinder for the crab's eye. The legs were obvious and its head was sort of lumpy and pointy, but I couldn't figure out where the eyes were. Could it be some rare type of blind crab with no eyes at all? My excitement rose. I began shooting, and the crab posed cooperatively. So much so that at one point I thought it might be dead, but then it would move one or another leg ever so slightly, so I continued to blaze away. At last I spotted a dark speck which most certainly was the left eye, cleverly disguised among the spikes and convolutions of the carapace. Snap! Snap! Snap! I've got you now, you crafty little jewel of evolution. Clever indeed, but not clever enough to fool old Chris. At last my film was gone and I rushed back to the boat to submit the film for processing. A quick check through the crustacean I.D. books confirmed that surely this was a new species, as I couldn't find anything vaguely like it. I bubbled with excitement. Or maybe it was the beans. Whatever. My entire next dive was mostly a blur and frankly I couldn't wait for it to end, as all I could think of was these incredible shots. In anticipation of seeing the film, I was worse than a kid waiting for Christmas. National Geographic was going to kill for these photos. The cash register was ringing in my head. As I returned to the Bilikiki on one of the tinnies, Birgitte met me at the dive deck, radiant and smiling. She was nearly laughing with joy. She must have seen the finished film and was excited with the pictures. She looked at me as I climbed aboard and uttered but a single word, ``But." But what? I asked. She said, no, not but, but butt. But what I said again in exasperation. ``Just butt. You shot the butt. Your crab. You shot the butt end of the crab. And it wasn't even a crab, but a squat lobster. Your `new to science' blind crab is a common squat lobster you shot an entire roll of its butt!" Whereupon she dissolved into uncontrollable laughter as I sank in shamed defeat onto the bench seat, suddenly weakened by humiliation and self-loathing, unable to even remove my wet suit.
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So this is what I have come to, and this is why I must now follow guides around like a pathetic mange-ridden old dog, half starved and looking for a handout. And this is why Monty and Michelle, the best Bilikiki managers ever, have proven to be worth their weight in gold. No, wait...were that entirely true, Monty would be vastly more valuable than Michelle! The fact is, they both have an uncanny ability to come up with spectacular subjects day in and day out. They are a wonderful team and we would be lost without them!
As for my crab butt shots, perhaps all is not lost. They did come out good at least, and I may have cornered the market here, possibly creating a whole new genre. But I desperately need your help: if any of you out there -- and I realize this is a long shot -- if any of you out there have a friend or relative who is a crustacean proctologist and who might be interested in these photos, please have them contact me. The price is right.
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If Two Weeks Are Good, Four Weeks Are Even Better!
It's become more than a trend, it's the ``in" thing. I'm talking back-to-back trips. Because we stay in the Solomons for three successive tours, many of our more clever guests have realized that, since they are traveling half way around the world to get to the Solomons in the first place, the smart thing to do is simply stay there for two trips in a row. We had a record number of back to backers this past season, and most of them have re-enlisted for back-to-back Solomon Island trips again in 2003. Think of it. You unpack and set up once, then dive for 26 days straight on a fantastic boat, with a wonderful crew, world class diving and Birgitte and me to help you with your photography, E-6 processing so you can see your results generally before your next dive, and when it is at last over, your only question is why you didn't go for the hat trick and do all three trips!
Thanks for your concern...
Many people have contacted us with concern over the consequences of the recent cyclone which slammed into a portion of the Solomon Islands. Fortunately not a single person was injured, which is the important part. As for the diving, the Solomons span a vast stretch of the Western Pacific. The two islands affected by the cyclone are nearly 1000 miles away from the islands where we dive. So ``our" areas were not only not affected at all, they enjoyed lovely weather the entire time the cyclone was raging across the remote region that did get hit.
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Call us today!
Though this is the first public announcement of our 2003 Solomons program, our repeat sign-ups have filled over half the available spots. Find out why nearly 100% of our guests are repeats and call us today!
Remember, this is a Limited Participation Tour featuring the Newbert and Wilms Underwater Photographic Slide Show Seminar Series, with Chris and Birgitte available for personal consultation any time! |
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Free Solomon Islands Dive Tour
T-Shirt Order Form
(one free trip per T-Shirt only!) |
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total # of shirts |
x $6200.00 = |
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Do Not Enclose Cash! Send check or money order to: |
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Free Solomons Dive Tour Give-away
Rainbowed Sea Tours, Inc.
74-5590 Luhia St.
Kailua-Kona, HI 96740 |
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